I've often been asked, "So what IS attachment parenting". After long winded explanations, for ME,  it boiled down to this:

"In a practical sense AP is unconditionally nurturing your child's cues for nourishment, touch and interaction."

You do not force your child to:

• Drink formula (if possible)
• Feed at scheduled times
• Cry-it-out (controlled-crying)
• Sleep on their own
• Sit in a stroller or capsule
• Be separated from you for extended periods
• Be spanked
• Be independent from you

You allow your child to:

• Breastfeed (if possible)
• Feed whenever they need to (on demand)
• Sleep with you (co-sleep)
• Be carried in a babycarrier (baby-wear)
• Stay with you throughout the day and night
• Be taught with gentle discipline
• Be dependent on you when they need to

Why go to all this effort to nurture your child?
During the first 3 years of life a child's brain is almost entirely hardwired (80%). Experiences during this period of massive brain growth will shape the child's personality for the rest of their life. Severe neglect or abuse will cause mental retardation. More info here.

Why focus on having a strong attachment with your child?
Babies who have strong attachments to their mothers are more empathetic, confident, sociable, relaxed, happy and intelligent – and these effects will last a lifetime. The relationship a baby forms with the mother, will be the basis for all other subsequent relationships in the baby's life. More info here.

This is why AP strives to form strong, trusting, loving bonds between mother and child. AP provides mum and baby a lifestyle with the least amount of stress possible – no schedules or spanking, and lots of love and cuddles. Baby's brain is able to flourish in a loving environment during the critical period of growth.

What's wrong with controlled crying?
Infants who experience chronic stress – like that experienced in 'controlled crying' – are 10 times more likely to have ADHD, poor school performance, poor fine motor development, antisocial behaviour, increased aggression, impulsivity, emotional unattachment, and violence later in life. More info here.

I'm hesitant to call controlled crying neglect or abuse, because I know most parents who use this practice deeply care for their children and believe whole heartedly it is safe to do. But it doesn't detract from the brain damage an infant suffers, and is left with for the remainder of their life.

What's wrong with spanking?
Physical punishment is consistently related to poor mental health including: depression, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, relationship problems, increased levels of aggression, anti-social behaviour, raised thresholds for defining an act as violent, and perpetration of violence as an adult, including abuse of one's family members. More info here.

Why carry baby all the time?
Touch is also a crucial element during baby's first three years of life, it is literally a trigger that turns on mental and physical growth. Lack of touch will cause mental and physical growth retardation. A mother's presence near the baby alone does not have much effect on growth, and nor does trying to shovel excessive amounts of food into baby's mouth - it is when the baby perceives warm, physical touch that growth is triggered.

Babies who experience a high level of loving touch gain weight faster, sleep better, are more alert, relaxed, and begin developmental milestones like crawling and walking earlier. Touch de-stresses baby and helps build a strong attachment between mum and baby. More info here.

Why breastfeed?
Human breastmilk is specifically designed to nourish and protect human babies. Breast milk passes on a myriad of antibodies the mother has accumulated over her lifetime (no vaccine can claim that). This symbiotic immunity is put to use everyday – when a mother kisses her child she ingests the germs present on babies skin, creates antibodies to it, then passes the antibodies on to baby through her breastmilk. Perfect! All the more reason to breastfeed and smother our babies in kisses. Breastmilk provides the perfect skin-to-skin contact that is so essential to babies' mental and physical development. More info here.

Why feed on demand?
Babies' breastfed on demand receive more milk than babies fed on schedule. It's important to recognise a newborns stomach capacity is only about 60-80ml (from the third day onwards, before that it's much smaller), or a size of a large chicken egg. Babies fed on demand also obviously cry much less, and the attachment between mum and baby is enhanced as mum responds lovingly to baby's cues. More info here.

What's wrong with formula?
Formula-fed babies tend to spit up more, be constipated more, have more gas, be more colicky and have more intestinal illnesses. Formula fed babies are 5 time more likely to need hospitalization before the age of one. More info here.

AP is normal
Attachment Parenting is not a new thing, AP style parenting was the norm for our ancestors, and is still the norm in many non-westernized countries. Other cultures instinctively still understand that infants need to be loved, nurtured, cherished and enjoyed – they don't need to be ignored, controlled and punished. AP is normal, it's natural, it's logical, it's healthy. More info here.

No matter the reason why our culture veered away from the AP style of parenting, the fact remains we have sacrificed our mental wellbeing because of it. And because of that, even forming close attachments with our own children can be daunting territory for many parents. Many parents were raised with an unattached style of parenting, or their lives are devoid of any strong attachment. For these parents, developing an attachment with their child may be more challenging.

For any parent, it's a major lifestyle transition to change from being a completely independent human being, to spending the majority of your time caring for your dependent wee one.

Some parents struggle with the concept of control – they don't want to be controlled by their baby, and they don't want to raise a spoiled child. Learning to trust your baby can be a big step for some, especially when parenting methods and medical professionals publicize that babies cries for nourishment, touch or interaction are manipulative and not to be taken seriously.

But a child wanting nourishment, touch or interaction is not selfish, greedy, or intentionally trying to control your life. Their cues for these basic needs are instinctive survival mechanisms that ensure a child will develop normally and healthy. These instincts have been developed over millennia – our hunter-gatherer ancestors constantly held babies and nursed them as frequently as four times per hour, and many hunter-gatherer style cultures still do today. And as we know, unconditionally nurturing your child's cues for nourishment, touch and interaction does the very opposite of creating a manipulative child – it produces trusting, caring, compassionate, empathetic and intelligent little human beings.

The trick with forming attachment, is that even if it seems foreign to you in the beginning, the more experiences you and your child have together, the stronger the attachment between you both grows, and the easier, more enjoyable, motivating, and loving the relationship becomes.

	API International Through education, support, advocacy and research, our principal goal is to heighten global awareness of the profound significance of secure attachment - not only to invest in our children's bright futures, but to reduce and ultimately prevent emotional and physical mistreatment of children, addiction, crime, behavioral disorders, mental illness, and other outcomes of early unhealthy attachment.
	API Speaks API Speaks is the blog version of API International. All contributors to API Speaks, as with so many of API's staff, are volunteers who donate their time and energy to promote Attachment Parenting world wide.
	La Leche League International Our Mission is to help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education, and to promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in the healthy development of the baby and mother.
	The International Lactation Consultant Association (ILCA) This resource will help you locate a lacatation consultant where ever you are in the world! We are the professional association for International Board Certified Lactation Consultants (IBCLCs) and other health care professionals who care for breastfeeding families. Our vision is a worldwide network of lactation professionals. Our mission is to advance the profession of lactation consulting worldwide through leadership, advocacy, professional development, and research.
	Dr Sears We are William Sears, MD and Martha Sears, RN. After raising eight children and practicing pediatric medicine for more than 30 years, we have answered questions from thousands of parents. We hav 40+ pediatric books, articles in parenting magazines, and had appearances on more than 100 television programs such as 20/20, Donahue, Good Morning America, Oprah, CBS This Morning, CNN, NBC's Today Show and Dateline.
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	Mama Eve Blog My mission is to be a moderate voice in parenting politics, and bring fresh ideas about how to make parenting simpler and greener while keeping in mind we live in a hectic world and what we sometimes need most of all is "easy". Mama Eve was founded in 2009. It began simply as an idea to compile and share parenting research, but then became a blog and full-fledged website, and then a store for favorite parenting products.
	Lactivist Lactivist net is a centre for all like minded lactivists. It is a space for people who promote breastfeeding in anyway to share information and news. Lactivist.net is the offspring of www.lactivist.co.uk, a site that sells t-shirts and accessories that promote breastfeeding. www.lactivist.co.uk was started in 2003 by Lisa Cole as a reaction to negative comments about her breastfeeding her small son in public. There is also www.lactivistbling.co.uk a site devoted to breastfeeding jewellery.
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	Nursing Freedom This site was started by Dionna Ford at Code Name: Mama and Paige Lucas-Stannard at Baby Dust Diaries. We are mama bloggers passionate about normalizing breastfeeding in our society and we believe one of the front lines of this fight is Nursing in Public - or N.I.P. The purpose of this site is to provide resources for breastfeeding moms, moms-to-be, and others who support natural feeding.
	Code Name Mama I am a lawyer turned work at home mama to an amazing son; I'm also one of those crunchy liberals my parents warned me about. My hubby and I believe in natural birth, exclusive/extended breastfeeding, delayed/selective vaccinations, cloth diapering, no circumcision, a family bed, healthy eating, and "going green" as much as possible. On Code Name: Mama, I share information, resources, and my thoughts on natural parenting and life with a toddler.
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	Best For Babes Our Mission: To Give Breastfeeding a Makeover, and to Beat the Booby Traps,the Barriers to Breastfeeding Success. Our Credo: ALL moms deserve to make a truly informed feeding decision and to be cheered on, coached and celebrated without pressure, judgment or guilt. ALL breastfeeding moms deserve full institutional and cultural support to achieve their personal breastfeeding goals.
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	Real Zest The idea behind Real Zest is simple - Find a bunch of really smart, truly unique women with interesting things to say. Give them a place where they can share their thoughts, anonymously if need be. Support them with a community manager, editor and some business development savvy. Pay them from the start, if not a lot, at least enough to pay for a babysitter so they can write or buy a nice bottle of wine. Work really hard to promote the space as one where it's great to be a mom but not the only thing, amazing to be a woman but not the final word, and best to be thoughtful at every turn.
	Authentic Parenting I am a woman, a mother, a wife... I have a master's degree in communication sciences, but have chosen to stay at home with my child. Everything family-related became a bit of an obsession to me as soon as I got pregnant with our daughter. It has been quite a journey for our family. This 'obsession' led me to find out about attachment parenting, about natural childbirth, baby led weaning and so on. It has led our family to 'go green' and eat paleo. And ultimately it has led to this blog.
	Parenting for Social Change Parenting for Social Change is about creating new paradigms for parenting that affirm the dignity and respect the rights of all children. In writing about social change parenting, I hope to challenge the pervasive adultism within myself and in our society. I hope to inspire others on their journeys to look deep within themselves and create new parenting paradigms.
	Mothers for Womens Lib This is a group blog dedicated to feminist mums and mums-to-be the world over, where we can discuss matters which are important to us. Feminism changes a mother, and motherhood changes a feminist – here is a place for us to talk about raising our children as feminist mothers, the challenges we face, or feminist issues which are especially important to us as mothers.
	The Unnecesarean The Unnecesarean provides information about preventing an unnecessary cesarean and resources for making fully-informed decisions about childbirth while offering an irreverent take on the maternity care crisis in the United States and beyond.
	The Hobo Mama I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister. I have wanted to be a writer since I was ten years old, and I have found a passion in blogging. Parenting has changed me profoundly and has given me a new perspective and a new obsession. I advocate for breastfeeding, natural birth, babywearing, cloth diapering, elimination communication, gentle discipline, attachment parenting, and all the usual suspects.
	Raising My Boychick I am not a SAHM, and I am not amused. But I am sometimes funny. I write about independence, attachment parenting, and societal misogyny. I write about menstruation, and genitals, and sex, and sexuality, and the color of my underwear. I write about trying to raise the Boychick free from limiting gender roles, while teaching him to not be a bad man.
	Dagmars Momsense On Dagmar's momsense I share with you what I learned works and doesn't work, what benefits your child and you. I want to become a resource and trusted "friend" you can rely on for information. I believe in giving my readers (and 7,100+ Twitter followers) something valuable to read and like to entertain you with posts about my life. I'm making sense of motherhood — and social media. Come join me!
	Toddler in Tow I created this blog to keep family members updated to Abbey's growth and all the adorable pictures I take of her, but it has become much more now. It's a place for me to share my knowledge on many fronts - military life, breastfeeding management, sewing and crafting, peaceful parenting techniques...and anything and everything that occurs to me to be important to share on a daily basis. I strive to live by peaceful and constructive principles, in the amazing world and loving grace I have been created in by God.
	So Many Vegies So Little Time I desire to give my children the gift of loving fruits and veg. I myself am learning to eat with the seasons. I started blogging to connect with like minded people, that I can share with, and learn from. I am not a chef, a photographer,or a writer. I'm just a Mom who is passionate about cooking from scratch and eating as a family.

I still get a rush of energy when I look in my son's eyes (now a toddler), reminiscing the moment I first laid eyes on his beautiful face after he was born. I picture it so vividly and clearly. I don't know how I'd get through the tough times not feeling it – but many mother's don't, and struggle with motherhood because of it. Which is why its imperative to know how the mother-child bond is formed.

 After researching the topic I found the creation of the mother-child bond is initiated by a surge of hormones immediately after birth, known as 'birth euphoria'. Mother and baby are flooded with endorphins – inducing a sense of happiness and wellbeing, and oxytocin – inducing a sense of trust, being in love and a need to nurture. It's vital mother and baby are left for at least 60 minutes, in a quiet, safe and private location to bond while these hormones are coursing through their veins. This experience is powerful, and will later prompt mother and child to repeatedly seek to recreate the initial birth high with close skin to skin contact.

Anything that interferes with the normal progression of birth, such as pain medication, epidurals, cesareans, emergency surgery, removal of infant to the ICU or excessive stress, will disturb the delicate process in which the initial mother-child bond is formed.

Oxytocin will only be produced when the mother feels safe. If the mother feels anxious, stressed, frightened or angry, oxytocin will not be produced. Similarly endorphins will only be produced upon the sensation of pain. If the mother has taken anything to reduce pain, such as medication, or had an epidural or cesarean, endorphins will not be produced. It's like a scale, the more interference, the less critical bonding hormones produced.

In animal studies, animal mothers given pain relief during birth, or deprived of birth euphoria in any other way, simply end up rejecting their young. I have no doubt this correlates to the human birth experience, and our epidemic of post-natal-depression.

Bonding Recommendations

• Stay comfortable, relaxed and confident.
  Be informed and prepared. Have trust and confidence in your instincts and your body's natural abilities.
• Give birth in a safe, private environment.
  Free of conflict, unwelcome people, disturbing noises, or painful, disruptive procedures.
• Have continuous physical and emotional support at the birth.
  Have a knowledgeable, caring woman, such as a doula, in addition to the partner, offering comfort measures, good information, positive words, and any other support needed.
• Avoid pain medications and epidurals.
  Not only do they totally compromise the bonding process, they pass onto the baby affecting its ability to initiate suckling.
• Hold off non-urgent hospital procedures.
  If the baby has a good Apgar score and appears normal, the baby should not receive a bath, footprinting, administration of vitamin K or eye medication until after the first hour, to allow mother and baby to bond.
• Lay undressed baby on the mothers bare chest immediately after birth.
  Use a light blanket for warmth. Allow the baby to slowly crawl to the nipple and initiate suckling. The odor of the nipple guides the newborn to the breast. Remain with baby on mother's chest for at least one hour to allow bonding.
• Make sure you start breastfeeding within one hour.
  Studies show breastfeeding within this timeframe significantly raises the success of mother-child bonding, the continuation of breastfeeding, and decreases likelihood of abandonment.
• Avoid the nursery and room-in with baby.
  All babies should room-in with their mothers throughout their hospital stay unless this is prevented by illness of the mother or infant.

References

Bonni Hall: Endorphins, Labour, Pain and Bonding
by Relentless Abundance
Bonding & Undisturbed Attachment 
by Sem Pringpuangkaew M.D., Prawase Wasi M.D,  Dr.Aree Wanyasewi M.D.,  Kaisit TantiSirin M.D., San Singhaphakdee M.D., Rajit Buri M.D.
The Truth About Epidurals
By Carol Gray

The image of little orphans dying in their cots because of lack of human contact has always haunted me. Then I hear parents protesting over the abundance of 'bucket babies' (infants left in transportable capsules all day long without barely being held) in our culture. Then I see images of little African babies attached lovingly to their mama's backs. It all prompts me to investigate the dynamics of human touch, the positive effect it has, and why we choose to have 'bucket babies'.

Our 'touch system' is a primitive survival mechanism found in all mammals, and it is the strongest sensory system during infancy.

Touch is so crucial to infants that its absence will cause mental and physical growth retardation. A mothers presence alone does not have a resounding effect, nor does trying to shovel more food into an infants mouth - it is the infants perception of warm, physical touch that triggers growth. Prolonged absence of a mother's touch triggers a slowing of the infant's metabolism, thus lessening the need for nourishment, conserving the stores of energy, and slowing the rate of growth. The slower metabolism stunts growth if excessively prolonged.

Touch is also crucial in reducing infant stress. When infants are separated from their mothers, activity in the pituitary-adrenal system rises, while physical contact with the mother lowers this stress response. Touch plays a significant role in an infant's ability to learn how to regulate his / her own response to stress.

Infants who are picked up, hugged, cuddled, cradled, and stroked, gain weight faster, sleep better, are more alert, relaxed, and begin developmental milestones like crawling and walking earlier. Touch develops and strengthens attachment and communication between parent and baby, giving rise to feelings of security, trust, comfort and relaxation. Gently stroking a baby’s stomach in a clockwise direction promotes healthy digestion, also alleviating gas and constipation. Infant massage helps relieve colic and teething pain, improves muscle tone, development and flexibility, and helps regulate all the body systems (digestive, respiratory, circulatory, immune, nervous, lymphatic, cardiac, hormonal).

My heart sinks for the poor dear 'bucket babies' whose need for human touch goes ignored or unrecognised. As a culture we demand our babies and children be independent, unattached, solitary human beings, as if that's some sort of positive trait? Is an epidemic of insecure, unempathetic, narcissist's what we really want? Knowing the importance of touch, I am at no loss as to why parents carry their children literally all day, and practice regular infant massage. It makes sense - you want to give your child the best start in life, you want a bright, healthy, happy, intelligent child - then you provide your child with as much skin-to-skin contact as humanly possible. It is that simple.

I never knew just how important touch is, particularly to an infant. Now I do, my brain continually prompts me to kiss, hug, cuddle and stroke my boys in every moment. It's not just a show of affection, it's literally a switch, turning on mental and physical growth.


Infant Massage

• Choose a moment when baby is calm and relaxed.
• Be sure that the room temperature is warm.
• Undress baby completely.
• Place baby on a soft, comfortable surface.
• Rub massage oil on your hands, rub hands together so they're soft and warm.
• Generally the massage flows from head to toes - head, face, shoulders, arms, hands, chest, stomach, legs, feet.
• Use gentle, long, flowing strokes. The pressure should be the same as pressing your closed eyelids without any discomfort.
• While massaging communicate lovingly with baby. Doing this you stimulate all the senses of the baby and establish a more intense visual and tactile communication.
• Allow baby to change position if he / she wishes. Don't force baby to keep a position.
• In the small areas use your fingertips. In bigger areas use the palm of your hand. 

More infant massage instructions are found at:
Postnatal Stimulation Baby Massage

Babywearing

• Practice positioning and carrying a doll or teddy first.
• Try a new carry with baby when you are both well rested and generally content.
• Get another adult to help get baby positioned.
• Use a mirror to see what you're doing.
• Support baby with your arm until you are confident that baby is securely held in the carrier.
• Wear baby sitting down first to safely help build muscle and confidence.
• Back carries are more challenging, but there is more freedom of movement, and they're great for heavier babies and toddlers.

More Babywearing instructions are found at:
Baby Wearing International

Want to make your own babycarrier?


References:

The Experience of Touch: Research Points to a Critical Role
by Daniel Goleman
How Important Is Physical Contact with Your Infant?
By Katherine Harmon
Postnatal Stimulation Baby Massage
Make Way For Baby
Is Babywearing Safe?
by Baby Wearing International
Sewing and improvising babycarriers
by The Baby Wearer

"A child has formed 80% of his / her personality by the age of three years old." This statement has haunted me from the day I heard it. If it were true, the experiences and relationships my child has will be the basis of his entire life - that's not to be taken lightly.

I investigated further, and yes an infant's brain grows to 80% of adult size by three years of age, and 90% by age five. An infant experiences a massive burst of brain formation known as the 'exuberant period', at its peak creating an astonishing two million new synapses every second. Connections that are used frequently become permanent, those that are neglected die off. This is where experience is vital in wiring an infants brain - experiences of neglect and abuse literally cause genetically normal children to become mentally retarded. Children who are malnourished throughout this period do not adequately grow, either physically or mentally.

Parents who are preoccupied, who do not have the resources, information, or time, may not provide the stimulating experiences needed for infant brain development. For instance infants and children who are rarely spoken to, exposed to few toys, and have little opportunity to explore and experiment with their environment, may fail to fully develop the neural connections.
Infants whose mothers frequently speak to them learn almost 300 more words by age 2 than their peers whose mothers rarely speak to them. Mere exposure to language such as listening to the television or to adults talking amongst themselves provides little benefit. Rather infants need to interact directly with other human beings, to hear people talking about what they are seeing and experiencing, in order for them to develop optimal language skills. Unfortunately, many parents are under the mistaken impression that talking to babies is not very important because they are too young to understand what is being said.

Chronic stress in an infant, such as that seen in cry-it-out techniques, causes inhibited nerve tissue development in the brain, growth suppression, and immune system depression. Regions of the brain are altered similar to that seen in adults with depression. Infants who experience persistent crying episodes are 10 times more likely to have ADHD, poor school performance, poor fine motor development and antisocial behaviour. Such a child may display increased aggression, impulsivity, emotional unattachment, and violence later in life due to an overactive adrenal system.

The sensitivity and responsiveness of a parent stimulates and shapes sections of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional well-being. It's been noted the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her child.

Things you can do to positively stimulate your baby:

• Show love and affection, respond to your babies cries without hesitation.
• Talk to your baby often with a kind voice, a wide range of vocabulary, and a lot of expression, and encourage imitation.
• Touch your baby, researchers discovered that premature infants that were massaged grew faster, cried less, and were released earlier from the hospital than those who weren't.
• Let your baby experience and explore different surroundings, textures and temperatures.
• Read books and play music (Mozart's music has been found to stimulate the same parts of the brain that are later used for mathematics).

References:

Nature, Nurture and Early Brain Development
by Sara Gable, State Extension Specialist, Human Development
Brain Development - Frequently Asked Questions
Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies
Baby Brain Development

Little girls look at mothers with reverence, for some little girls a mummy is all they want to be when they grow up. I for one wanted to be a mama.

But when the dream of becoming a mother came true for me, the transition to motherhood wasn't as rosy as I imagined. Modern parenting is a lot more stressful than you imagine. To attain a modern standard of living while raising a child you've got to do a hell of a lot of work. Houses, cars and groceries, social life, appearance, cleaning, laundry, your relationship, some sort of career, along with the myriad of standards you as a parent are to live up to if you are to be accepted in this society…is that clear!

What happened to the dream of motherhood being a beautiful, love filled adventure (rather than a regimented 'boot camp')? So much time was taken up meeting every societal standard, there was barely enough time to actually enjoy parenthood. For me, it got to the point where I literally threw my hands up and gave up; but it's always in those moments that a spark rises up from the ashes. And that I believe is where 'maternal instincts' lie.

As soon as I gave up obsessing over the judgments and opinions of 'everybody else' my instincts, usually hidden under layers of stress, made themselves apparent – and it felt so damn good. Letting go of my fears and worries allowed my body to actually function correctly and my mind to think clearly. It was the bombardment of pointless, useless fear mongering by the media and those around me, that sent my mind and emotions into a spin, clouding my ability to make authentic, instinctive decisions.

It was a matter of 'how long am I going to let others decide for me what is best for my family?' My tolerance wasn't very high, but it took guts to learn to trust myself and take responsibility for my decisions. So how long are you going to continue to get taken for a ride, before you decide it's not good enough for your family?
I know what is right for my family, I may not be a doctor or a psychologist, but I know instinctively when my child is in danger – and I won't be ridiculed for it. I am more bonded and connected to my child than anyone else, therefore I should be the only one with the responsibility of making decisions for my child –  if it doesn't feel right in my gut, I don't do it.

Motherhood forced me to become strong, to find out who I was, to stand up for myself, but most of all to trust myself. When asked what are 'maternal instincts', I say it is the powerful, yet highly underrated ability to TRUST yourself as a mother.

"There is no nutritional value in breastfeeding past the age of 12 months". Not only is this statement wrong (breastmilk has fantastic nutritional value for anyone who consumes it), it also implies there is no reason to breastfeed your child past the age of 12 months, which couldn't be further from the truth (the immunological benefits are vital to a child as their immune system does not fully develop until the age of six).

When I first heard the above statement, I didn't know any different, like so many other mums. I'd done a small amount of reading on the subject of breastfeeding, but it seemed "why breastfeed if it's no longer convenient, and there's perfectly good formula as a substitute". After all, aren't these the perks of a modern feminist culture, we don't have to breastfeed, we have all sorts of inventions to give us time to do other things? I even had an incredibly involved partner who was eagerly willing to take over parenting jobs whenever I wished.

Newborn Jamie

Yet as easy as I had it, it all seemed to backfire; the connection with my child dwindled, and I was diagnosed with post-natal depression. Though it happened so subtly, each day more formula instead of breastmilk, more time with other carers, and eventually I felt like a stranger to my child. I'd completely weaned him from the breast, and between daycare, and family members eager to care for him, I was barely spending any time with him anymore.

I loved my little boy dearly, but I wasn't 'in charge' as a parent. I put everyone else's opinions regarding my parenting above my own. I didn't trust my own instincts, desires and opinions, I honestly thought everyone else knew better, so I just did what everyone else told me to do. And before I knew it the motherhood I dreamed of since I was a child and had finally achieved, slipped from my fingers.

My journey out of post-natal depression and becoming 'in charge' as a parent started with a lot of research about parenting. I learnt formula is in no way 'equal' to breastmilk, the main point being it lacks the immunological benefits of breastmilk, protecting children against many illnesses and improving brain function. The skin to skin contact also helps maintain the bond between mother and child.

Things really took off when I joined in discussions with other mothers online. I heard from mothers and websites that were living and promoting my mothering dream – babywearing, co-sleeping, breastfeeding well beyond 12 months, healthy vegetarian diets, non-vaccination, gentle guidance as apposed to punishment. This was the encouragement I needed; no, my parenting ideals weren't abnormal, mothers all over the world were parenting in the same way my instincts always veered towards. The support I had may have only been from strangers online, but it was enough to give me the strength to take back my relationship with my son.


After completely weaning my son at 12 months, I allowed him, now 15 months, to suckle again whenever he felt inclined, and slowly built up a steady milk supply. I looked after my son almost entirely on my own; I didn't want anyone else to look after him anymore, I wanted to enjoy him, as was always the plan, and my motherhood dream.

Toddler Jamie

This winter I have felt such pride. My boy, now 20 months, has never had any sickness past a runny nose. I have watched friends around me with their little ones continually sick, taking trips to the doctor and even hospital. I attribute my son's health entirely to his daily intake of breastmilk, and the unrivalled immunological properties it contains.

When I hear statements like "there is no nutritional value in breastfeeding past the age of 12 months", I am now educated and strong enough to stand up for myself; I don't rely on another persons judgment when it comes to the welfare of my children, and beyond any opinion I will always trust my gut.

My lesson was I must trust myself as a mother, stand up for myself in the face of opposition, and never feel guilty about putting my love for my child above anyone or anything else. There is so much parenting advice available it is mind boggling. The most important advice I can personally give is to let your love for your child be your guide to parenting, it will always steer you in the right direction.